This is originally by 'rhubarb' on What.CD's forums.
So I was looking for a place to stay in Boston on Craigslist a while ago. Sent around emails, included a little picture with a sign holding up my email address so people knew I wasn't 'fake'. I emailed 10-15 a day and got maybe 2 emails in return each time saying they were looking for someone to sign a yearly lease. Then someone replied with this.
Hi Marie! I hope we will meet you soon! What kind of shows and dancing do you like? You are in a college, so are coming here for a fall semester internship? You look like a dutch girl! As I am sure you have seen, it is hard for us to take seriously foreign people -- we get a lot of inquiries (I had over 200 people write to us in the past week, imagine the task of writing each person -- and I am not renting a for-profit house! all ads are for less than 2000 a month, but our house costs us 4000 :-( ) anyhow, please send us more diverse photos, because a lot of the scam emails send photos similar to yours -- web cam simple shots. If you have pictures from your time in america, or other travels that would be great -- the more the better, but atleast 5 large photos, from different places, maybe with different people? Personally we would be happy to see all the WARM places you went to! If you were down in Florida or something it would be great to see photos from the beach or islands, or out at sea! That would be funny if you were in Mississippi, or Alabama or Georgia and now your english is with the southern accent! Do you have a HOME phone in the Netherlands? I think we might be able to call you also. anyhow write back if you are still looking, we would be happy to have you! We just need to know you are real girl!
So right away my Oprah acquired female intuition skills go off that this doesn't sound right. The ad put a lot of emphasis on the fact that they had a pool and that it was a wonderful place, blah blah blah. I of course didn't reply because it was just weird. So I open up my inbox today --weeks later-- to find this gem.

Weekend Pool Party at your interested new home

 Hi! Sorry for the delayed response (or final one, if you already heard from me weeks ago). I am inviting interested people to come over this weekend, enjoy the yard, pool, maybe take breaks walking around the neighborhood. You can change in the pool house, and use the spare bathroom and shower in the basement where there used to be an extra bedroom for a spoiled teenage daughter before I got the house. If you are seriously interested in the house and want to try it out for a night, you can give me $20 (and even do some laundry or something) and chill for the night. Saturday night. If you just want to finally see the place, even if you already got something, or want to finish the summer with a free pool to use in the day times, or just want to hit a pool this weekend, or have a place to drink -- bring a bottle of inexpensive champagne, or tequila and margarita mix (maybe the mango juice with mango margaritas?), and I think I whip up some drinks fast - or bring a six pack or beers, or just a box of lower cost wine. Fruit flavored beers? or any choices, they don't have to be fancy -- Coors, natural ice, keystone ice, milwaukies best ice, Cobra 40s would be okay, or any tequila that atleast is made from agave, and not just flavored wheat ... If you don't drink alcohol, bring a big bottle of a tropical juice, maybe an ice cream cake, or bag of other tropical fruits? Or if you don't have time or money, just bathing suits, goggles, and a towel to lay on, is fine! **For people who do not have a car: Listen carefully: We can only meet you, to bring you over by bus, at about 8:00 Saturday morning. Maaybe, if someone else comes who has a car, and they are friendly enough to go pick up strangers at the nearest T station (Alewife on the red line is ONLY ten minutes away by car!), we can ask them to come get you. If you bring something else as described above, I will make all bus people arriving in the AM, some pancakes when we get back, while you start to drink or eat the fruits or ice cream. You can have breakfast by the pool! Also for people with a car, who like Saturday, if you come back to see the sunrising through the forest mist on Sunday Morning, I will make pancakes for you also, and if someone brings champagne, then make mimosas. So if you are interested, and haven't already, send me contact info - leave a message on our phone: 617-209-xxxx, send me any photos or other background info about you -- where you are from and stuff. Anyone who has sent me all info about them, will get the house address tonight, and then along with everyone else, I will email or call you in the morning, when I figure out what is going on with anyone we need to pick up at the bus station, and give out the address and times to come by for everyone else to come by over the weekend. Let me know if you want to spend a night, or you will want to drink (and so should atleast nap, before driving). A close friend of my family died last week -- I got the news just after coming home from a trip. And so I wasn't prepared to have people moving in last as I thought, I am out of it, and will be for awhile I think ... bumping into things and stuff. I made an even BIGGER mess in the house, decided to paint the garage and closets now, instead of this fall, when I would have more space to put the things. And so the place for you to stay is not available now for show. There is only a guest bed and maybe room for one or two more people (or 2 couples) on the floor. But everything is a total mess -- only your bathroom will be clean. I can't bring you in to see the house otherwise, so please don't ask. If you are a totally laid back person, and would be okay with a couch, and really need something right now. I might be able to let you stay here for less than the ad you responded to, on a weekly basis with utilities included. But not just for people looking for a cheap place to live. Only for people who really want to have a pool and yard to finish the summer swimming and with nature, in a luxurious neighborhood. No wild guys, you can't bring home strangers. No loud drugs (no smoke cloud around the neighborhood or coke heads who scream on roof tops, or fighting keg frat boys.) No uptight, very critical type people -- you have to be open-minded, and should be laid back but responsible, as should your guests. Have a good mouth, so my neighbors don't think I am running a ghetto house here. A close girl-friend or stable family members can visit often. Guys can't use the diving board - it hasn't been tested, and no one should dive or bounce off it. If you want, just use it to drop in, closer to the middle of the deep end ... Don't bring over anyone who likes to break or steal things. And I have no money, so don't get hurt and think you can sue me. I am not insured for idiots running around and hurting themselves. And there might be a couple of professional nude photoshoots here this weekend, so if that might offend you, let me know and I will make sure you don't come when they will be here -- their time should be very scheduled since they are paying by the hour to use my yard and pool to make some art. AND I guess I should really note here -- you can't give out the mailing address to anyone but your family, who will be in touch with you when you aren't staying here anymore. I can't afford to have the mailbox filling up with ex-housemate stuff when I am gone on long trips. People have a tough time to see my house, because I am so liberal about what goes on here, and though it is my responsibility financially, it is not always my home -- and usually has atleast one or two foreign girls living here, who I have to put in charge when I am gone. One who would be here the most, and is also the most shy with calling or dealing with random strangers, if I just gave out the address and let anyone off the internet come over. I am a first generation american, and so the idea of a Free country means something to me, and is not just an expression I use, to go send my friends to war. Other than breaking and stealing, and constantly making loud noise so people can't sleep - I try to let people be and do whatever they want. And this attitude attracts crazies and not just open-minded artist /performers or rich people who just want a good life ... So, to protect the peace for these girls here, I have to be very strict about who I give out the address to, so that I don't feel responsible for bringing over creepy guys that scare the girls, or very uptight uncomfortable rude people, or just robbers looking for a house to scope out for future jobs. But then once people are here, even though for most people paying under 2000 a month, I need them to agree to share the house -- if you are a responsible person who actually takes care of all the yard care and stuff, I would have no reason to be here most of the time. And sometimes you can be living alone in a neighborhood, where most of the neighbors are paying over 10,000 dollars a month to live!!! So ... I don't have time to screen people anymore. If you still can send photos and more info about you, I will give you the house address tonight. and then in the morning, I will give the address to everyone else, and start to organize when to have people over this weekend, after I see who we are picking up at the bus station. **If you only emailed me once, probably after this mailing, your address will get archived and I won't see it again, unless you get back to me today or soon.
I bolded the best parts since it really is tl;dr.

They were even so generous to include a picture of said pool.

That chick does have a nice ass.

So What.CD, this seems too fun to not respond to. What do you think I should say to this insane Craigslist person?

<3